


(i won't say) i'm in love

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Comfort/Angst, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, No Strings Attached
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 05:37:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16696450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Hinata, his heart thumps for second. His partner, his friend. His somebody, but nobody. The strings seem to tug on his heart. Hammering on him, a bullet to the heart.-----In which two friends come back together, once partners. one can't confess, stuck on his fear of rejection, while the other, doesn't want anything serious but knows that he's slowly falling for the other.a tale of love, getting together, and regret





	(i won't say) i'm in love

 

He never drinks, he hasn’t since high school. Kageyama knew that repeating the habit that he once broke years ago, was not a  good idea. But then again, he’s had his share of bad ideas, bad thoughts that spiraled out of control on a whim at times. Every now and when he attends fancy occasions that force him to wear a black suit, then he might take a glass of wine, nothing heavy. And he hasn’t smoked in months, another lost cause vanished from his mind. If he smokes and drinks, he’ll be like his upperclassman Iwaizumi, who drinks and smokes all the time. He sees Oikawa constantly try and bother him about. At least he had someone to convince him likewise. Kageyama did it as an addiction, and it was never enough. It also helped him calm down, but god if his coach ever learned what he did, he’d be running around the track for days. 

But now, he’s at the loud stupid party that his roommate dragged him into. Tsukishima walks by him, holding a beer in his hand. He looks at him behind his thick rimmed glasses with lace of annoyance, and throws the bottle at him.

“Thanks..” he mutters, using the sleeve of his hazel colored satin bomber jacket. He felt overdressed for this, but Tsukishima had promised a good night, and he sticking to that promise, of course till now. His black turtle neck, making him warm in his sweat-sex soaked room. Girls danced to the music, and boys leaned against the kitchen counter, watching them while sipping down their own beers.

Tsukishima falls back on the marble counter, staring in the distance, and Kageyama’s shocked at the silence. Normally he’d be rambling to him about being a lonely king, but he guessed not tonight.

“Were you planning on getting laid tonight?” he asks, turning to him.

“None of your business.” he replies shortly.

They were never friends in high school, so it was a coincidence when Kageyama had opened up his dorm to find Tsukishima in their room, fiddling with his nendoroid dinosaurs. They were alike in some ways, both sometimes horrible with other people , and awkward with communication. Both of them, enjoyed volleyball, and were their college team. Then they were times where they would over things that they disagreed about, what to order for dinner, pork curry or Sukiyaki. If they should go to the library to study or watch a movie. Which volleyball position is better? Setter or middle blocker? Then the arguments ranged from simple to stupidly complex questions. They would bicker all night, despite their amount of fighting, neither have bothered to request another roommate.

“What about you?” Tsukishima aks, and Kageyama opens his mouth, gaping in bewilderment, and blonde waves him off, taking a sip of his beer.

“You..you..can’t ask-” he stutters, not expecting the rushed question. He skimmed around the crowd, eyes raking over. He hasn’t gotten laid not since his last high school party. It was with a girl, with mousy brown and a cute smile. Kageyama didn’t know what compelled the girl to want to do it with him, but it was clumsy and his first time. Since then, his love life has only consisted of make-outs and maybe a handjob if he’s lucky.

He won’t admit it, but he’s not interested with any of them. After graduation, Kageyama never found the small details in girls that intriguing. Like a faint blush on their cheeks while they played and twirled with their hair. The way they rocked their hips when they wanted to flirt with Kageyama. Clicking their shoes together if their nervous, that always happens. Once when a girl called him to the back of the school and confessed to him, she had bowed her head when Kageyama kindly rejected her, their very emotional, he had noticed.

But no matter what, it never bothered them, he simply overlooked them and turned his head the other way. He didn’t know what to call his sexuality, but only Tsukishima knew about it.

He chugged his beer down, and handed it to Tsukishima, starting to walk away. He hears his voice in the background, “don’t wait up for me, I’m getting laid tonight!” he yells, laughing. Kageyama flips him off, weaving his way between people. When he finally reached the exit, it was around midnight, all the stars in the sky were clear.

“Your actually here.” someone says behind them, and Kageyama spins around.

Hinata, his heart thumps for second. His partner, his friend. His somebody, but nobody. The strings seem to tug on his heart. Hammering on him, a bullet to the heart. Kageyama couldn’t even to begin where they stood, he then told himself that this was his party, celebrating the end of the semester, before winter break. 

The first time Kageyama had felt something in his heart was then they were in their third year. It was a riveting finale, everyone had played to their best potential, and yet they still lost. Even if they had brought out everything they had, it didn’t matter in the end. The final point was his fault, a perfect set, the perfect timing. It was all right, except it was stopped. A rally that only brought the other opponent. A game won, a game lost. The balance was only fair.

After they had all met and gave their speeches, and the gym was cleared while Kageyama waited for Hinata by the door. He could hear crying, it was unrecognizable but  Kageyama knew who it was, the rest of his teammates were gone, leaving on them two.

“We lost.” he hears, small wails that could raise the dead. Sobs that wrecked his soul, screams that ripped a seam in him.

He wouldn’t dare interrupt him, but Hinata never showed his weak side, this was the first time. As soon as the referee signaled the end of the game, the first years brought out their tears and he saw Yamaguchi patting them on the back gently. Tsukishima with red-rimmed eyes, clenching his fist. But Hinata, and that was the worst part, it meant he was thinking. His face straight, and unreadable.

“Thank you for the game!” Hinata says, and they all bow, as the audience claps.

Hinata had been the first to leave the gym, and Kageyama hadn’t seen him until now. But the vulnerability that Kageyama had witnessed, it made realize.

“Wouldn’t want to miss it.” he says, as Hinata joins him. His hair is shorter, cut in the back, still springs of orange curls, that would never change. He’s grown a bit, though Tsukishima still believes he’s as short as he was in high school. His polo is unbuttoned at the top, the breeze making his collar to flutter, flapping it up exposing the smooth collarbone and he looks away. He legs looks amazing, slim in paper jeans that wrap like silicone. He’s supporting an earring in his left ear, a dare from Tsukishima, for eating as many eggs and rice bowls as he could. 

“Why don’t you come back to my apartment? It’s quieter.” Hinata asks, and Kageyama is surprised. This was like a reunion for them, they haven’t spoke, breaking apart after a year maybe. He misses hearing his voice and finds himself nodding. Kageyama doesn’t bother telling Tsukishima that he’s leaving, he could be figure it out. Together, they start walking down campus, passing the busy streets, and Kageyama pulls out a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it up.

“I thought you stopped smoking.” Hinata stares at him, confused, and Kageyama smokes, and takes it out his mouth.

It really has been a long time.

“It’s a long story.” he says gruffly, inhaling the rough scent.

“I’ve got time.” Hinata grins, and Kageyama nudges him with his elbow, annoyed, and he ducks like years hadn’t slipped from underneath them.

“You’re even more of a pest than I remembered.” he clicks his tongue.

He moves closer him, their hips rocking. It was just like old times, walking home together, Hinata walking his bike beside him after dark. Eating pork buns from their respected captain, fighting over which one should get the extra one.

_ Here it comes.  _ He thought, the feeling rose from his throat, and he dared himself to swallow it down.

They reached the large apartment building and took the stairs up, Hinata fished his key from his back pocket, and unlocks the door. 

“Excuse me.” he says quietly, and Hinata chuckles.

“No one's here silly.” and Kageyama flushes, the room was small, a studio apartment with velvet blue curtains covering the windows, the kitchenette in the corner, deserted with dishes. The T.V was left on, the news blaring behind them. The room was nice, compacted, it seemed like Hinata didn’t own much.

Hinata dropped his keys in the entryway as Kageyama slipped off his shoes, “want some coffee?” and he nods, settling on the couch. He watches set up the coffee machine, flicking his tongue in impatience while the water gurgled as it heated up. He didn’t know with his hands, so he set them on his thighs, then reached out and sat back, but that felt like rude so he stood around.

“Here you go, black with a touch of cream, no sugar.” Hinata announces, handing him the mug, and Kageyama takes it gratefully.

He snorts, “you still remember that?” he rarely drank coffee, only on ritual study nights where he’d stay up working up to 3 am in the morning. And he hated studying, so that meant something.

Hinata who just grins from behind the rim of the cup, doesn’t reply and takes a sip and hums in delight.

“So you don’t a roommate?” he asks curiously, most first and second years in college are assigned to another person in the same year or older, that how Kageyama and Tsukishima were paired.

“No, because of my scholarship, they allowed me to get an apartment by myself.”

“That’s not fair.” he mumbles, and Hinata laughs, and he instinctively swats at him.

“It’s not funny.”

He stands up suddenly, and grabs his free hand, almost spilling the coffee all over him. “Let’s go to the balcony!” and without his consent, he tugs on him, leading him to the closed curtains which he pushes back. He slides the glass door, and Kageyama shivers.

“Damn it’s cold.” he grumbles.

“Don’t be a baby Kageyama.” he says playfully and it reminds of the old time again.

They stand along the railing, Hinata’s apartment was on the more higher floors of the building, giving the perfect view of the city. It was at its latest, he could college drunkards yodeling from down below. Honks of cars immerse with th electric hum that he feels next to him. It was all stuffy, even though it was one of the coldest nights this month(he knows this because he had looked it up on his phone minutes ago.)

“You know they say that today is the day where most people believe that love will spread?” Hinata says, and Kageyama stutters.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he shakes, and Hinata shakes his head,muttering along the lines of ‘you big oaf’ and closes the space between them. The kiss sends thousands of butterflies rumbling in his stomach, electric shudders like an awakening. It wakes him up like a he was in a deep sleep. A snap in the string. It’s sweet, tangy from the caramel that Hinata likes to drench his coffee in. he’s kisses girls, it’s like a feather, a sweet melody on the piano. But this, it was so much more. Rich a silky, he felt hungry after they parted.

“Why’d you stop?” he says hoarsely. His eyes lidded and his hands cup his cheek warmly. It’s finally happening, and he wants more.

“This means nothing.” Hinata whispers, his throat cracking before attacking him with his lips, and he hears the glass shattering but neither bother to pick up the mess. Time has stopped, only revolving around them. He could fireworks booming and crackling like laughter around him. This time, the kiss is more feverish, Hinata reaches on his tippy-toes to meet him.

Kageyama opens his mouth, letting his tongue slip in. He rubs the roof of his mouth as he groans uncontrollably. He hasn’t felt anything as good as this in a long time. He paws at his hair uselessly, pulling through soft threads. 

“Let’s go inside.” Hinata gasps in between kisses, and Kageyama wordlessly heaves him up, wrapping his legs around Kageyama’s waist. They stumble inside, onto his bed. Kageyama bits on his earlobe, hands exploring the pale creamy skin, as Hinata scuffs irritated and throws the shirt over his head. Their kisses now are sloppy and desperate, hot breaths against one another. A jumble of limbs mixed together.

“Take it off.” Hinata says, and Kageyama throws off his own shirt, ducking down to kiss his neck, as he sucks and creates a dark bruise of his neck.

He’s been wanting to do that for a while now.

He holds his head in his hands like he was the most fragile thing on earth, hands caressing his hips and Hinata inhales.

He shimmies out their jeans, leaving them in their boxers, and Kageyama could see the visible tent from underneath the fabric.

“So quick.”  Kageyama smiles, slipping out of his underwear. And he takes a moment to appreciate the fact he’s looking so needy, lips swollen from the kissing, and body littered with bruises. He was right where he wanted him-where he needed him. He takes his hand, a traces the contours of his jawline, and coming to give him a quick lip, nibbling the edge of his lip.

“Lemme blow you.” Hinata says dizzy, and Kageyama snaps back, blushing.

“Are you sure?” and he shakes his head, teetering over into Kageyama’s lap. It was his first time, he’s never gotten a blowjob before, only a handjob once in a blue moon. This was completely new, and Hinata looks up at him with red flushed cheeks and a cocky grin.

“First time?”

“Just shut up and do it.” he hisses, and stops, when Hinata’s hot mouth needy mouth bobs on his cock.

“Shit.” he cusses, and Hinata freezes, but continues. It felt blissful, euphoric. A harmony raining praises on him. He licks a strip on the side, and grabs his hair. He bobs back and forth, twirling his leg around the top of the cock, and Kageyama wants to tell him to never stop. It felt so good, especially with a guy- rephrase that, a guy like  _ Hinata. _ He was amazing, his small covered so much it was incredible.

“Don’t stop.” he says, and he feels himself about to cum, and Hinata stops, “you little bastard.” and he pushes him back into the bed.

“Are you going to do it?” he asks, eyes shiny, a challenge.

“Where are the condoms?”

“Left drawer.” and he bits off the seal and wraps it around him.

“Do you need to be prepared?” Kageyama didn’t want to hurt him, it’s his first time after all.

“Get on with it please.” Hinata gasps out, and slowly he enters, it tight. As Hinata lets out a low moan, like chocolate exploding in his mouth. He gets comfortable, standing on his knees, crouched over him. His sweat glitters like sparkles on a fairy. He looked amazing, under Kageyama’s will. He thrusted again, and Hinata squeaks, a noise he’s never heard before, but likes. He kisses him, rough with teeth scraping, and tongues darting like a wildfire. He moans, as he presses further, and Hinata’s arms fly around his back. He groans out loud, the mattresses creaking.

His forehead glowing with sweat, and Kageyama wipes it off, he fits in the crook of his neck. His movements grow more erratic and distraught, and Hinata babbles on, he adds that to the small things he’ll remember about him.

“More.” he rumbles on, and Kageyama doesn’t stop. He works his hands against the sheets, clinching it hard. His nails scratch his back, but Kageyama barely notices, he’s focused on how close he was.

“Fuck.” Kageyama moans, and he cums, and sags down, the scratches start to hurt, but only barely. He moves away from Hinata, flopping on the side of the bed, attempting to catch his breath, both of them are. The sheets are soggy and filthy, his limbs feel as if they’re about to split, his back hurts and knows he’s probably not gonna be able to run tomorrow. 

But this meant nothing, Hinata had said. His first time with Hinata Shouyou was nothing to him, just a favor or a no strings attached one-night stand. They lie there in silence for a while, no one speaks for the next 5 minutes, then Hinata moves up and gets out bed. The covers slipping from his naked body.

_ Beauti- _ he stopped himself from finishing.

“I’m going to take a shower.” he says retortly and shuts the bathroom door behind him.

Kageyama doesn’t sleep the night. He sleeps on the couch, not bothering to wash off, he was too tired already and it’s not as if he had an important test the next morning(there would be hell to pay).

The next morning, the bed is empty, the sheets are changed, and the apartment is dead silent. Kageyama left the next morning, not bothering to leave a note.

_ It didn’t matter to him after all. _

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really excited for this! I haven't written Kagehina in a long time.....


End file.
